Sunday, May 17, 2009

I'm Feeling Blue...


This will be a difficult week. Brutus is scheduled for a vet appointment on Friday and I'm relying on the vet to let us know whether it's his time or not. I believe the tumor on his foot has grown so large that it's broken through the skin. There is a large raw fleshy area that looks like a red cauliflower where only 3 short weeks ago, it was just a swelling in his toe. It's grown so fast that I'm sure it was the right decision not to amputate, as it's probably way past too late for him. At his last appointment the vet detected lymph nodes in his chest that were probably already affected by the cancer. I will let the vet tell me whether or not it's time for him to go. In my heart, I'm afraid it is. I write this with tears in my eyes. I hope to be strong enough to be there for him in his last moments. I do hope there is a Rainbow Bridge. If there is, my dad is already there, calling for Brutus.

We took Tom to dinner last night, but my husband was late getting home from diving, pulling into the driveway 5 minutes before our dinner reservations time (that's another story...), my sisters couldn't make it and my brother ended up going to the wrong restaurant to wait for us, and then didn't want to keep us waiting for him at the right restaurant and went home instead. I feel like I let Tom down - I had hoped to have a nice family celebration. Instead, I was so upset inside that I had tears running down my face at the dinner table. Shame on me for not controlling my emotions! Way to ruin his graduation celebration! I'm so mad at myself right now. I should have just smiled and been a gracious hostess to my son Dan and Nicole, instead of being upset because no one else was able to come.

Other than graduation on Friday, the only other bright spot to my weekend was time with my grandson Justin. He is 4 months old and the light of my life! He came to stay with me last evening when his parents went to visit friends. After a long nap, he woke at 11:30 for a bottle. I fed him and thought he would go back to sleep but he wanted to stay awake and chat. He coos and makes little baby screeching noises and I'm head over heels! Justin "talked" a blue streak with me yesterday, and I felt so honored! That is, until one of the cats walked by, and he had a chat with her too! Oh, well...it was just too cute. Our younger min pin is absolutely fascinated by the baby. He wanted to sniff him and kiss him and it was difficult to keep him away from the baby. He just had to be as close to him as he could. I finally put the sleeping baby in the pack-n-play playpen that was given to me, and that frustrated the dog to no end. He could see him but couldn't reach him! I guess it will take some time for the dogs to get used to him being here. It's really only the third time the baby has been here. Mostly I visit him at his house. I'm going to ask the kids to bring him by more often so the dogs get used to seeing the baby here. Thanks to Susan for the pack-n-play. It really came in handy.

Since I have time to myself this afternoon, I think I'll finish my blackberry creme latte and catch up on the end-weaving on all of those dishcloths and coasters I have nearly finished. My sister Barb was happy to get the finished dishcloths I had done so far. She brought me some crochet nylon this weekend. I'll see what kind of scrubbie patterns I can find for it. I wish I could find crochet nylon in colors other than white, black and tan. Readers, if you know of any place I can find it in colors, please comment and let me know. Thanks!

3 comments:

  1. Big hugs! This brought tears to my eyes. Take care!

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  2. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this with your precious friend. I dealt with this in January with my 12-year old Chihuahua, but it was a complete surprise when I took him to the vet because he wasn't eating and found he had a tumor in his stomach that was taking up 80 percent of the space. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever have to go through. I'll be thinking of you and him too!

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  3. I am so sorry to hear this about Brutus.. I have read about Rainbow Bridge, and I take comfort myself, hoping that when God sees fit to call ME home, that a very special cat will come running to meet me when I get there. He was one of the nicest, best natured cats we ever had, but he was also a bit of a rascal, so we tend to joke occasionally that we hope he's behaving in Heaven, and that God doesn't have to get out the spray bottle too often! I will keep you and Brutus in my prayers.

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